Heartbeats

Heartbeats

Translucent, young hearts
beat out a steady rhythm.
Listen to their voice as it
surrounds our universe.
The steel of yesterdays memories
hold us together as
we run through life.

The beat of the young hearts
remind us
that though the world
seems like it may end
it will continue.

Heartbeat,
after heartbeat.
Steady. A rhythm of life.
Reminding us.
Trust the sound.
Listen to it.
Hear it.

Crimson Drops

This was written several years ago as well.  It was a dark time in my life, as I was suffering from some pretty severe depression that was partially caused by some medication I was on.  I got the help I needed and found much better ways of handling things that didn’t involve harmful activities like drinking it away or self harm.   If you or someone you know is hurting themselves, please seek professional help.  http://us.reachout.com/get-help

As the blade slices through layer after thin layer
I feel the pain slowly fade away
Crimson drop after crimson drop wells to the surface
Pulling with it the pain and hurt I’ve buried deep inside.

As the blade slices through layer after thin layer
I sigh and close my eyes
As the blood flows from the severed capillaries
With it flows the sorrow and the anger I can’t speak of.

As the blade slices through layer after thin layer
My hunger for pain is unquenched
For long have I unknowingly
Craved the sharpness to cut myself wide open.

As the blade slices through layer after thin layer
It bares the fiery passion that has kept
Me alive in the darkness
The red finds its way to the surface

As the blade slices through layer after thin layer
The silver relieves my soul from its torment
The skin splits and the sorrow
Beings spilling over the sides

As the blade slices through layer after thin layer
As the knife drives deeper, the pain lessens
Another piece of flesh falls away
The pain is gone, but the blood still stings.

Related articles

• The Secret I’ve Yet to Tell (combatbabe.com)
• The pain of self-harming: Who can you turn to? (mirror.co.uk)

A Testimony

The following is a poem I first wrote in high school after we watched Ghosts of Mississippi in class.  Later on, after life happened I found a new meaning in the words and adapted it for what I felt during my abusive marriage.  Both times were dark moments in my life.  My dad had passed away my sophomore year of high school and I struggled with depression and grief for many years following his passing and then my abusive marriage…. well no words are needed there.   I hope you enjoy.  Also, credit for the artwork on this one goes to an old friend, Erik Anderson.  He is a wiz with photo shop and several years ago he did this for me. 🙂

The hatred drips from the
Skeletons of your souls
As you break my heart,
Diminish my dreams,
And wreck my future.
You shatter the peace in my life,
Scattering the bits and pieces around on the floor.
I bend down to pick up them up,
Only to find myself
Torn and bleeding,
Cut by the sharp edges
Of your hate filled reality.

The blood of my pride
Pours out from those wounds.
Dripping and bleeding,
It forms a puddle
Of lost hopes and dreams.
It gathers around my ankles
And works its way
Further and further
Up my body,
Drowning it in the lost dreams
I once held dear
And close to my heart.

The pain overtakes me,
Eating way at my pride
And overtaking my peace of mind.
Crazy thoughts of vengeance
Race through me as
I look for retribution.
The bittersweet reality of it all
Settles in my stomach,
Causing the hurt and pain to ride
In my throat and allowing for
It to take over every last bit
Of dignity I once held.

The rocks thunder against my pain racked body
Just as your insults thunder against my sanity.
The anger of your words overtake me,
Causing wounds to bleed more and more
Then, eventually, the rocks stop
And there I am lying in my own
Beaten hopes and broken dreams.
My body, now void of all
Equality, life and emotion
Lies there as a testimony
To the hatred and injustice
Displayed on this day.

Guardian

I haven’t posted in a couple of days so I figured I’d post something I wrote a while ago instead when I was getting out of an abusive marriage.  It came from a deep place within and I hope that someone out there can get something from it.  I hope you enjoy 🙂

Her guardian spirit weeps, for all they can do is stay near.

Tonight he is vile; her guardian is shedding the tears she can’t.  No longer does she have the will to fight: letting him shame her into submission.

Her guardian looks up at the gods and says “How much more of this?”

Silently the guardian folds their arms around the abused, singing sweet songs to soothe her battered soul.  The guardian looks in to the eyes and sees the emptiness there.

At one time this was a happy vibrant one, who laughed at the stars.  Once she had the laugh that embraced life’s song and she danced with the breeze — but now that is gone.

Her guardian keeps their watch but her pleas fall short.

But at night, when her tears fall and her sobs can be heard, she is wrapped in the strong loving arms and comforted and is never truly alone.

Journey

in the buoyant waters of hope, I
float
on the potential for a love that has the power to
tame
the persistent undertow of futility

currents of inky desire
swirl
in the turbulent vortex of my mind as your eyes
sparkle
with unspoken passion

no longer content to simply
drift
upon the sinuous waves of synchronous dreams, I
swim
against the tides of convention

silently begging you to
take
my hands and my heart and my hope, I
crash
upon the shores of your torment

while I did not
choose
to love you, I would not now
change
to avoid the roiling seas of controversy

fear thrives only on the surface, we finally
discover,
when with wonder we
dive
into the tranquil depths of our future